How do you accommodate a perfectionist child, with OCD?

Im sure you have all heard this term before, OCD : Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. With out quoting or citing a source, the general knowledge we have of this disorder can be summed up by saying, people with this disorder usually have excessive rituals or routines, may be extremely clean, and/or may organize items obsessively in geometrically lined symmetrical ways.

One of Puzzles noticeably apparent diagnoses’s was his OCD, and he displayed his, in more ways than I had ever heard of. The diagnoses was easy when his behavioral therapists witnessed the way he played with toys; he grouped his toys, rather than playing with them, he sorted objects by type, color, or shape at a far younger age than that of the cognitive “norm”. He didn’t care for messes and cleaned up every toy he played with! Great, right? Of course it was great, my son knew his colors, could separate fruits and veggies and was very particular that circles and squares did not belong in the same category! The triggering thought here was, should he be able to accomplish this all before the age of three!? Smart, sure! But a child that couldn’t even mimic the names of these items, was very particular in recognizing the differences in these basic items.

Puzzle has a very routine life, he wakes up at the same time every morning, he eats breakfast at the same time, in the same chair. Every day we pull his clothes out of his drawers (that are numbered) and put them on in the same order. Every thing in his life is like clock work, from sun up to son down! Because of my son’s need for routine and consistency, if anything changes or strays from that routine, a major backlash usually follows. Im not talking about a tantrum child when we are out of his favorite snack, im not talking about his favorite blanket being pried out of his hand for its weekly wash! ALL of those things, from shopping at a new grocery store, to missing a day of school can cause a severe mood change in split second. But what I am sharing here, are life changes, like moving in to a new house, starting a new school, getting a new bed, major changes that effect his OCD in ways that can be detrimental to his well being.

During Puzzle’s transition, with his new diagnoses and post-op recovery in progress, Puzzled Mom also tried to maintain a somewhat normal “adult life”, and was steadily dating. My crush and I, at the time were hitting if off great, dated for quite a while and decided it was time to move in together. The last major move Puzzle and I had, was just after he was born. He had spent the first two years of his life in the same house. Granted, he split his time between home and two other babysitters (grandma and great-grandmas) but this would be his first major move since the diagnoses. Knowing his routine would be broken, I did everything in my power to make sure Puzzle had a smooth transition during this move. We spent a lot of time in the new house prior to the move. We painted the walls, redid the carpets, new tiles, new appliances, all while bringing Puzzle along and letting him play at the new house during the renovations. With all of his routines and organization in mind, we let Puzzle set up his own room. We let him place his own toys in their own bins, organize his clothes in whichever drawers he wanted and even let him put his pillow on the wrong end of his bed, because that is where HE wanted it! Sounds so easy when I write it all here, but I assure you its not.

Having a child that cannot tell you when he is upset, cannot tell you that some how your partners child managed to put the building blocks in the same container as the race cars is upsetting him, having a child that literally will not even go in his room (full blown hands and feet on the door frame), all because he literally cannot fathom the two toys being in the same bin together…IS NOT EASY!

Often I feel that people, parents, even me! take for granted that we are a species that so easily communicates with each other! I know that seems like a silly thing to say, but it is real. In general (I know not for everyone) if a child is hurt, no matter the age, they cry and run to show you the wound. If they think something is exciting and makes them happy, they run and show you. Our difference, is my child doesnt do that, he cannot do that! That is an entirely different blog though. Heck , maybe that will be my next story! But as I reel back in my tangent line for a moment – back to the OCD.

Life was and will always be a routine, for this reason! Feeling as hopeless as I did and being the young probably in-over-my-head Puzzled Mom that I was; I had no idea that the little brown building blocks were now snuggled comfortably in the race car bin. At this point all I could do was try to console my extremely upset, very confused, struggling non-verbal child. As parents, we all feel the heart brake when our children are “suffering”. Bumped heads, bruised knees, scratches and boo-boos. Our little bundles of life we created are hurt and we would do anything to take that pain away. But, what does it feel like when you dont know WHY they seem hurt, and better yet how does it feel when HE CANNOT TELL YOU!?. You cannot console a child that cannot tell you what is wrong! At this point, he could be in agonizing pain and I would have NO IDEA! So, what does this mean for a now panicked Puzzled Mom. Tears, it means tears! Pure hopeless heartbreak and anxiety through the roof! Dont worry guys, I was fine! Eventually – after dumping out every single toy, showing him piece by piece that I was putting each toy away, into each correct bin! It wasnt until then that both he and I stopped crying and were able to get back to our everyday routine!

Ill tell you what though, to see the happiness on my childs face, when he knows exactly which toy, exactly which movie, exactly which item he wants it in exactly the right place; nothing could ever make me happier as a mother! Having the issues and struggles we do are hard. They stress me out, but I make do. And new parents – you will too!

Its the little things in life that make the struggle worth it. Puzzle is so smart and so happy and will forever be my beautiful, intelligent, mystery piece.

So much more to tell, so many years of piecing together our now manageable life. Stay tuned for more of “how i do it, and how you can too!”

Wishing you strength and patience,

Puzzled Mom